The Power of Not Knowing

What if “not knowing” is more important than “knowing”?

For many of us, our identity is wrapped up in “what we know.” 

What if real wisdom is being open to what you “do NOT know”?

We spend so much time in our early years acquiring knowledge so that we can be “experts” in our chosen fields or endeavors.

This is not a bad thing in and of itself.

However, there are problems with becoming settled with knowing.

The Problems With Certainty

Here are two issues:

1)  When our knowing becomes reified, we stop paying attention or listening because we already know the end of the story.  When we do that, we close ourselves down to what might unfold.

The energy of “knowing things” and being certain can close us down to new truths emerging.

Psychotherapist and author Estelle Frankel writes,

“Certainty may calm our anxious spirits, but it closes the door on possibility.”  

How many times have you said, “Wow, I didn’t see THAT coming” — because your assumptions, your knowing, closed you down to possibilities you hadn’t even imagined? For example, someone apologizes who you never thought would.

2) When we mistake what we know for who we are.  All of us by now have encountered incredibly intelligent knowledgeable people who know little about kindness and empathy.  The truth is that who we are is SO MUCH MORE than what we know.

When “Knowing” is Revered

“Knowing things” is especially revered In the Jewish world. Scholars and rabbis are people who KNOW a lot. They answer questions.

I went to rabbinical school at the age of 47 and I worried that I would never be able to learn enough to feel confident as a rabbi. Knowing was intimately related to adequacy and competence.

However, in the course of my intensive, five-year course of study, I realized that the more I learned, the less I “knew.” Knowing all there was to learn was impossible. I began to understand that my identity could not be tied up in how much I learning I could acquire.  There was an entire universe of knowledge that I could never acquire. Every avenue of knowledge brought new questions I didn’t even know I had!

I learned about the paradox of knowledge:

“The more I learn, the more I realize how much I don’t know.” Albert Einstein

And then something opened up for me. I became comfortable with not knowing.  Saying “I don’t know” brought enormous freedom.

Not only that, sinking into that place revealed a much deeper truth than any externally acquired information: being willing to say “I don’t know, let’s look it up” in response to a student’s questions modeled a way of being that communicated that it was “ok” to not know.  Asking questions is what is important as well as being open to learning.

The Importance of Questions & Curiosity

Rainier Maria Rilke wrote: 

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue.”

For example, when we are in a conversation with someone and we think we know where the other person is going, we listen for what will affirm our own expectations, rather than being open to something totally new.

Or – when we get sick, we may think we know the progression of our illness because knowing feels safe.

However, what if we took it one day at a time and stayed present with exactly what is? We may find that the trajectory is quite different than we imagined.

If you have engaged in “Self-diagnosis via the Internet”, especially those illness chat rooms, you know what I mean. Your path will inevitably be different from all the worst case scenarios you read about.

In the drive to “know” so you can prepare yourself, which feels safe and familiar, what if you decided to say – I really don’t know the trajectory:

Let me stay open and present to see what emerges, and I’ll walk through each stage as it comes.

When I was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis in my third year of a rabbinical school, I was terrified. I saw myself in a wheelchair, never being able to finish school or work as a rabbi. After scaring myself unnecessarily, It turned out that I have a pretty mild case, and as long as I can monitor my work/rest, I can function pretty normally.

Question For You

How do you relate to this topic?

When have you learned something vital by dropping your certainty?

I’d love to hear — 

Rabbi Jill