Think about a time you were really down, a time when you were so filled with despair that you had no idea how you would rise again –
Are you still in that place?
What helped you get up?
What did you learn about yourself by how you rose up from that darkness?
It is a spiritual principle that there is an essential ebb and flow in life. We see it in waves lapping the shore and receding, or in our very breath – inhale, exhale.
In the same way that we can’t keep the waves on the shore, we must surrender to a rhythm that is beyond us.
This principle is on my mind because we are in a time when many of us feel great despair. Many of us are wondering how and when we will recover.
A Story
I spoke to a woman the other day who lost her husband when he was 52, and she was 48. I asked her how she dealt with that loss. She told me that at the time, she was so bereft that as she sat on her front steps and watched people laughing as they walked past, she felt that that could never be her again. How could they be going on like nothing has happened while her entire life was shattered?
However, eventually and in her own time, she got up from that place. She moved to England, and met a man who was lovely and with whom she had another whole happy life!
Faith Can Be Found In Your Own Experience
The reason we were in this conversation was that we were at a political event, and the conversation at our table turned to how devastated, sad, and depressed many of us are about the state of being in our country.
I believe we will rise up again. Yes, it is good to name the feelings of the moment – do not deny the sadness or pain. However, to get through, we must take a wider view and choose to put our faith in the principle that like our breath, we will exhale again, after holding our breath for so long.
Each one of us has a story about when we thought we’d never rise again – and yet, most of us did. Use this memory to give you faith.
It is vital to take a wide view, to believe that one day, we will all look back at this disturbing time in our history, and see that it was like a wave that stayed too long on the beach, that did a lot of damage, but it eventually receded back into the ocean and we restored what was broken and healed.
May it be so.
Blessings
Rabbi Jill
(This month in our Hineni – I am present – Mindfulness Community, this principle is the theme and we will focus on how to implement this idea in our own lives. If you would like to join us, find out more here. We meet Tuesday night at 6 pm Pacific.)
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I lost my wife when she was 49. I survived. Now months after my current wife left me I will once again survive! Like the tides and my breath, time will heal and reshape my soul and mind.
Ira yes you will. You must & I trust you will take the time you need to heal. Thank you for sharing your sacred story – blessings to you.
Dear Rav Jill –
The above article was totally appropriate for all the tragedy that happened this weekend. It seem like time and again, WE as a nation face situations, such as these, more frequently. I took a long walk today and kept saying, actually, out loud, “You know what you are doing”. We will survive. Thank you for this and all your tweets.
These are such difficult times. We have to reach deep to find inspiration or faith or trust 🙂
We lost our older daughter to lung cancer 5 years ago at the age of 41. She had never smoked or been around second hand smoke, yet she got the cancer. It was so unfair. She had her dream job as a high school special education teacher loved by her students and their parents alike. Her children, one in college and one a recent college graduate, live with us and bring joy to us every single day. When my daughter died, my wife and I asked ourselves, “Why Michelle?” I think we finally decided that the answer to that question could well be, “Why not Michelle? Why anyone’s mother or daughter? I settled into an angry existence – angry at God, angry at the doctor who instead of ordering a chest x-ray, by omission condemned Michelle, angry at people who told me, “She’s better off” meaning she was no longer in pain, but dammit, she died too young, still had a long life ahead of her with her two beautiful children. During these five years, I feel less angry, I now think a lot about Rabbi Harold Kushner’s wonderful book, “When Bad Things Happen to Good People” and how we all go through trying, difficult times and somehow survive and come out better on the other side. I’m still a work in progress.
Chris, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. That is way too young and so unfair. What a blessing you are to raise her kids. There is much in life that happens that we don’t control and have to figure out how to go on anyway. Some things, I do think, we never completely heal from – but have to fold into our life story. I am so happy to hear that you are experiencing joy and you can be a teacher to the rest of us about moving forward in the face of tremendous love. I wish you and your family many blessings and thank you for sharing your story.